Written By: Shael Plofsky
Miami Heat 115 @ Orlando Magic 105
Covid-19 has taken over the league and has put many players in health and safety protocol. It was an opportunity for players who don’t get the spotlight to step up. Max “Big” Strus “Woo Woo” proved that he needs to be paid more as he led all scorers with 32 points and 8 three-point field goals. Kyle “Busch” Lowry raced around the defense with an 11/15/5 stat line. Gabe Vincent “Van Gogh” was true art pouring in 27 points of his own. The Magic now fall to 5-25 and struggle to stay afloat. Franz Wagner had 27 points, but it is more noteworthy that Robin Lopez played 33 minutes in an NBA game, on the road, and had no conflicts with the opposing team’s mascots. With a team with very little success, that was a W on the road.
Denver Nuggets 133 @ Atlanta Hawks 115
Bones Hyland has arrived. One day he violates team rules and is on bad terms with head coach Michael Malone, and the next day he leads Denver in scoring with 24 points on the road in the ATL. Jokic flirted with a triple double, which he does every single night. Nikola also flirted with the idea of laying out a Morris brother but there was none to be found in this game. Trae “haircut” Young had 34 points and 10 assists while continuing his MVP campaign this season. The problem was that outside of Clint Capela and John Collins he didn’t get any help. This is both on the court with the game and off the court with his diapers campaign. Look up the meme if you don’t know what I am talking about.
Golden State Warriors 111 @ Boston Celtics 107
The Golden State Warriors went into TD Garden and continued their dominant season thus far. Stephen “No longer in Ray Allen’s Shadow” Curry didn’t just want to beat Ray’s record, he wanted to take it to his former team as well. Curry had 30 points on 21 shots and showed that he can do more than shoot because he can foul. He fouled out. Andrew “Lotto from 8 Mile” Wiggins scored 27 points of his own in the win. Draymond got hit in the nose, but at least it wasn’t below the belt. Jayson “Bateman” Tatum didn’t Change-Up in this one as he continued his Tropic Thunder by having 27 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists. Indiana “Star” Romeo Langford and Al Horford combines for 2 points and 2 rebounds. Al Horford didn’t play.
Milwaukee Bucks 112 @ New Orleans Pelicans 116
This was a shocker in Louisiana as the Pelicans stayed hot after that unbelievable full court shot from Devonte Graham. The Pelicans starters did all the heavy lifting in this one. Brandon “Andre” Ingram made It look like a G-League game with 22/5/5. Jonas “Travis Kelce” Valanciunas just had a walk-off touchdown in overtime and then comes back and beats the Bucks in overtime with 24 points and 7 rebounds. Devonte Graham “Cracker” did not hit a full court shot in this one. The Bucks didn’t have the Greek Freak, but Jrue Holiday “Break” has not entered break mode yet. He dropped 40 and made it look as easy as opening an advent calendar. Grayson Allen had 25 points and didn’t trip anyone.
San Antonio Spurs 128 @ Utah Jazz 126
Another upset in the NBA tonight. Dejounte “Demarco” Murray made this game look as easy as running behind the Dallas Cowboys offensive line. He had a triple double and led the Spurs to the close win. Lonnie Walker was the spark off the bench that San Antonio needed with 19/5/4 and would now be able to fit his hat on his head. Donovan “Spida” Mitchell knew that Spider-Man was debuting tonight and wanted to show that he was worthy of the nickname. He had 27/5/4 but it felt like he checked out of the game a little early, probably because he was too focused on Tom Holland. Jordan Clarkson continued to be one of the best bench players in the NBA for the second consecutive year.
Los Angeles Lakers 92 @ Minnesota Timberwolves 110
Before the game is talked about, Anthony Davis gets hurt every single game. I hope he is okay, but him being on the injury report before a game is more of a lock than Christmas being on December 25th. Anthony Day to Davis. Karl Anthony-Towns played inspired basketball tonight and was fired up from the jump. His 28 points and 10 rebounds don’t even emphasize his importance in this Timberwolves win. Patrick Beverley got a technical foul which is always fun to watch. D’Angelo “Iggy” Russell got away with 17 points, one win, and zero leaked phone calls in the win. LeBron “King” James was nothing special but his nothing special is 18/10/5. Isiah “Welcome Back” Thomas led the Lakers in scoring with 19 points and showed that he defines heart over height.
Charlotte Hornets 116 @ Portland Trail Blazers 125
Tonight, was Dame time in Portland. 43 points on 19 shots was easy for Dame as he led the game in scoring and controlled the entire pace of play. Ben “10” McLemore used special powers tonight as he went off for 28 points on 8 three-point field goals and that usually does not happen for McLemore. LaVar’s son came back tonight for the Hornets and didn’t miss a beat as he had 27/5/4. Today was a great day for players to score 27 points. Mason “Duke Legend” Plumlee didn’t shoot a three pointer because Coach K felt like he was better in the post and that is now how he plays his professional game.
Memphis Grizzlies 124 @ Sacramento Kings 105
The Grizzlies are rolling without Ja and have been able to win games in his absent. Dillon “Francis” Brooks turned up in Sacramento with 23 points. He was second in scoring to Desmond “Bane” Bane as he used vengeance to lead with 24. Steven Adams is still very good at rebounding and Tyus Jones still looks like he could be a human sized bobblehead. The Kings were led by Tyrese Haliburton who had 21/10/6 and this kid has a very bright NBA future. The Kings stay mediocre because they always are.